Baby Limbo

What difference does one more make?

Recently a friend of mine revealed that he and his wife had liquidated their baby supplies. He has two children just like me, and while he might have considered adding on to the family his wife had declared “No mas!”. As any dad would expect, that was the end of the discussion. So they lugged all their furniture, linens, toys, unused diapers, and miscellaneous items out of storage and turned them over to friend of a friend who was in need. That was that.

On the other hand, my wife Katie & I remain squarely in baby limbo. A corner of our basement contains the high chair, car seat, bassinet, clothing,and approximately 12,000 baby toys that we’ve accumulated over the lifetimes of our two girls. Being the obsessive compulsive neat freak that I am, I’ll often prod Katie that it’s time to sort through all that stuff and re-claim some storage space. Each time she issues the same half-amused/half-annoyed response: “Are you ready to say we’re done?”. It’s the perfect counter and she knows it. End of discussion.

The truth is that neither of us is willing to make the first move and leap away from the safety of that fence. Right now life is pretty darn good. Our girls (ages 5 & 3) are happy and healthy, out of diapers and sleeping through the night. We’re free to roam around as we please without the limitations of the trunk-full of baby items required to care for a newborn. We can go to restaurants knowing we won’t have to ask the staff to heat baby meals in the microwave for us. We don’t hesitate to hop on a plane in the winter time to take a trip down to the Florida sunshine, and we no longer need to bring a stroller along if we don’t want to. Katie is able to balance her hectic work schedule without bringing a breast pump along for the ride. With the school season started, she even gets two whole mornings per week to herself! I’m starting to get more serious about running and hope to expand into longer races in the future. Slowly but surely, the parts of our lives we gave up to have the kids are returning. Meanwhile, we’re secure in the knowledge that we haven’t officially called it quits. There are no guarantees, but in theory we could have #3 on the way at any point if we wanted to.So while we take the time to think things through, the clock continues ticking. Katie is in her mid-30′s early 20′s, and we understand that the risks of another pregnancy will continue to climb as she gets older. We’re also sensitive to the fact that if we wait too long, a baby #3 might have issues relating to sisters who are much older. I’ve done the math and (shocker) I’m not getting any younger either.

An outsider might think this should be an easy decision. “You’ve had a good run! Just call it quits and enjoy what you have!”. Still, there’s a lingering fear that years from now the girls will be wrapped up in their rapidly expanding social lives and Katie & I will look over at an empty dining room chair wondering “why didn’t we just go for it??”. Having another child means extending our parenting years and buying additional time before the dreaded empty nest. It means another chance to sing lullabies, to snuggle up in a rocking chair on those cold winter nights until the cries turn to soft breathing. It’s a shot at re-living all those moments we cherished the first two times around. But like most good things in life, there are tradeoffs and uncertainties. Sleepless nights with quick turnarounds. The fear of stealing time and attention away from the first two kids. Worries about how in the world we would juggle time, family and friends to make this work. As much as our minds allow us to romanticize the experience, we parents know it’s not easy.

So where does this leave us? The exact same place we were when we started. In the coming weeks there will be times the girls are melting down when Katie & I will make eye contact as if to say “Yeah right, you want another one of these??”. And then there will be moments when we notice just how big the girls are getting, or how much fun we’re having during what we know will be the greatest years of our lives. The little flame that was flickering will start to burn again, and for a split second we’ll think “Yes! Having a third makes so much sense!”.

Baby limbo. We know we’re in it… now how do we get out??

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Tags: babies, balance, diapers, Kids, limbo, linens, schedule, toys